6 Things to Never Do When Potty Training Your Kid (2024)

Potty training is not typically a task that parents look forward to, and for plenty of good reasons. Our little ones may resist training, may have accidents, may tantrum, and may regress at times—all of which can be stressful for everyone involved.

If you’re about to venture into toilet training, you likely have lots of questions and perhaps some concerns. You probably want to know when to start and what to do to make it go as smoothly as possible. You probably also want to know what you shouldn’t do. After all, even well-intentioned parents make mistakes in terms of what they say to their kids, and how they approach the process.

We’ve all been there, and making mistakes is normal. Still, experts agree that there are certain things that parents should avoid doing during the potty training process. Here, we’ll cover the basics of potty training, tips to make the process go smoothly—and most importantly, expert advice about things never to do while potty training.

When Do Most Children Begin to Potty Train?

Of all facts to know about potty training, this is perhaps the most important: There’s no magic number for when kids are ready to learn how to use the potty. While age can help guide you, there’s a huge range when it comes to readiness. It’s all about when your child is developmentally ready, not necessarily how many years old they are.

That being said, there are some general age guidelines that might be helpful to keep in mind. Here’s what to know, according to the Academy of American Pediatrics (AAP):

• Many children show signs of bladder and bowel awareness and control starting between 18-24 months (remember these are early signs).
• A pediatrician or health care provider will likely discuss potty training at your child’s well visits starting at around 18 months and again at subsequent checkups.
• The average age that children begin the potty training process in the U.S. is between 2 and 3 years old.
• Most children are daytime potty trained by 4 years old.

It's important to note that above applies to neurotypical children and children without certain medical needs. According to the AAP, some children complete the potty training process later, closer to 5-years-old or even beyond. If you have a child with physical or cognitive challenges, you should be in consultation with a health care provider as you move through potty training.

Keep in mind, too, that most kids are potty trained in the daytime before they are fully dry all night. “Most children obtain daytime continence prior to nighttime continence of urine,” says Samantha Eaker, DNP, CPNP-PC, pediatric nurse practitioner specializing in pediatric urology, and a medical advisor at Aeroflow Urology. “Nighttime wetting (bedwetting) is developmentally normal through the age of five years, and about 15% of 6 to 7-year-olds wet the bed.”

Signs Your Child Is Ready to Potty Train

Remember, all kids are different and when it comes to potty training readiness, it’s all about being developmentally ready, rather than what age your child is.

According to Nilda Agnes Abellera, MD, board certified integrative pediatrician and medical director of Infuze MD, some telltale signs your child is developmentally prepared to potty train toddler include:

• Your child sneaks away and hides when they are going poop or pee
• Their diaper is dry for a longer period than usual
• They start to pull on a wet or dirty diaper
• Their diaper is dry after a nap
• They start telling you they have to go to the bathroom or just went to the bathroom
• They copy you or an older sibling in going to the bathroom
• The generally show interest in using the potty

Things Not to Do While Potty Training, According to Experts

Okay, so here’s the part you were waiting for. What exactly should parents avoid doing while potty training? Here’s what our experts had to say about that:

Avoid Having a Negative Attitude

It’s not always easy, but it’s best to try to keep a positive attitude in the presence of your toddler while you are potty training them. “Try to remain excited and upbeat with each attempt,” suggests Barbara Taylor-Cox, MD, pediatrician with Children’s Memorial Hermann Pediatrics. “Also, never force your child to sit on the potty and never introduce punitive discipline if the child fails.”

Don’t Start Too Early

It can be tempting to start potty training as soon as your toddler seems interested, but Eaker cautions against starting too early. “I see a lot of pediatric patients that perhaps were not totally ‘ready’ to toilet train go on to develop dysfunctional voiding from the process, which can take a while to unlearn,” she says. Instead of your child’s interest alone, she recommends focusing on the development signs of readiness (see above) as indicators that it’s time to start.

Don’t Be Afraid To Pause the Process

If things are not going well, it’s okay to take a break from potty training. This doesn’t indicate failure, Eaker emphasizes. “If your child is really struggling, not making progress, and/or appears resentful or disinterested, consider pausing the toilet training process and come back to it in a few weeks to months,” she says.

Don’t Make Your Child Sit On the Potty for Too Long

Yes, you want to give your child time to get their business on the potty done, but making them sit and sit until they complete the task isn’t always the right tactic. “Some mistakes that parents make while potty training their young children are making them sit on the potty for too long a period of time and taking them to try too frequently,” says Dr. Taylor-Cox. Instead, when first starting to train, Dr. Taylor-Cox recommends encouraging your child to sit on the potty first thing in the morning and last thing at night. You can increase potty time as your child becomes ready.

Make Sure Your Child Is Not Constipated

If your child is backed up, the process is going to be much more challenging, Eaker notes. “Most children should have at least one, soft bowel movement daily that should look like a sausage, snake, or banana—formed and soft with no cracks,” she describes. To keep your child regular, Eaker recommends that they stay hydrated. “Good bladder and bowel health is important to successful continence,” she points out.

It's also worth noting that constipation can occur if children start holding in stool due to anxiety surrounding the toilet, so parents should be mindful of promoting a calm atmosphere during potty training. Additionally, continence of urine and bowel movements can happen at different times.

Don’t Compare Your Child to Others

This is a hard one, but it’s essential. Try as hard as you can to not compare your child to other kids, including your own. “Just because your eldest child toilet training quickly at age 2 years, does not mean your second child will obtain continence at the same rate,” says Eaker.

Things to Keep in Mind While Potty Training

So now that we’ve gotten the things not to do out of the way, what are some of the things you should do while potty training?

Every expert we spoke to said this: Each child is different. Remember that kids potty train when they are ready and that kids often have their own timetable when it comes to readiness. “As a mother of four kids and five grandkids, the biggest advice I can give is to be patient,” Dr. Abellera says. She also encourages parents to remember that potty training is a major milestone and should be celebrated with lots of praise for your child.

What if it seems like it’s taking forever for your child to reach this milestone? Eaker urges parents not to be afraid to ask for help. “Never hesitate to engage help from a health care provider if after six months your child continues to struggle and/or is not making significant progress,” she recommends.